Caregivers Try to Balance it All

Sandy Adams Contributed by: Sandra Adams, CFP®

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The month of September is host to a slew of recognition for caregivers: World Alzheimer’s Day, National Daughter’s Day, Intergeneration Month, and Self-Care Awareness Month.

According to the National Institute on Aging, there are an estimated 11 million unpaid family caregivers in the United States for patients with dementia, including the most prominent form of the disease, which is Alzheimer’s disease. More than one in four Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers are “sandwich generation” caregivers —they are caring for someone with dementia AND caring for a child or grandchild at the same time. And according to the Alzheimer’s Association, over two-thirds of caregivers are women with nearly 50% looking after at least one parent or parent-in-law. The need for self-care for these family caregivers – often women and often working – is real.

We would all love to believe that, given the opportunity, we would embrace serving as a caregiver for our loved ones — that we would treat the opportunity as “a gift.” In the book Working Daughter: A Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living, by Liz O’Donnell, the author says:,

Caregiving didn’t feel like a gift to me. It felt like a burden—a burden I didn’t want and one that I wasn’t prepared to handle. I had no warning, no training, and no support. I didn’t realize how many other people I knew were also caring for sick and/or elderly parents. No one in my circle of friends or coworkers was talking about it. As a working mother, I had so many people and resources to draw on for help and advice about everything from how to get a child to sleep to how to balance parenting and career. As a working daughter, I felt alone. And among the few people I knew who were family caregivers, no one was complaining about it. Just me. They must all agree it’s a gift, I thought to myself. I am a horrible, selfish person for thinking it’s a burden.

The reality is that what Liz expresses is not unique. According to a 2017 CNBC report, of the millions of family caregivers out there, almost 60% (58% to be exact), classified the burden of caregiving to be high or moderate. For those caregivers also working and/or raising young families, the percentage is likely to be higher. That feeling of “burden” is likely to lead to stress and feelings of guilt (guilt for feeling the job is a burden and guilt that you are not doing your best at any of your jobs).

Caregivers, for the most part, keep their feelings isolated. They don’t want others to see that they don’t appreciate the opportunity they have to spend this time caring for their loved ones. As a result, they suffer in silence and don’t reach out for help — for themselves or for the resources they need. They may miss out on resources available in the community to provide relief (adult day programs, volunteer programs through local senior programs, Area Agency on Aging programs, Meal Programs, transportation programs, caregiver support programs, etc.). If the caregiver is afraid to admit they need help, they may never know of the programs available to provide relief and assistance.

In addition to bringing awareness to caregiver-specific emotional and psychological struggles, September is the perfect time to bring attention to the financial planning issues that surround caregivers and how these can be addressed.

According to AARP, family caregivers spend an average of 24.4 hours caring for their loved ones in addition to their other responsibilities. For working caregivers, especially women, this means making accommodations to their work to meet the demands of their caregiving roles:

  • Requesting a less demanding job 

  • Taking unpaid leave 

  • Giving up working entirely 

  • Taking early retirement

As a result of work accommodations, the result of future wages, according to the AARP Policy Institute (2018) is $324,044 in future wages for women and $283,716 in future wages for men. In addition to wages, health insurance, retirement savings, pension benefits, and Social Security benefits are lost to those who cut back or stop work due to caregiving duties. For those who were on an advanced career track, losing upward momentum by having to slow down or stop work can have a significant impact on future advancement AND wages. And for women, who are typically already behind men in earnings, slowing down or stopping work due to a caregiving role can put them even farther behind their male counterparts. Compound that with the fact that women will potentially live longer, and live longer alone (be widowed), and they’re in a “no win” situation.

Action steps for working women who are also caregivers:

  •  Plan ahead as much as possible before the caregiving duties begin. Make sure those you will be caring for have a solid financial and care plan and that as many resources as possible are put in place in advance. 

  • Work with your employer to see what arrangements can be made for flexible schedules, paid leave, etc., in order to keep you employed while being able to accommodate your caregiving duties with the least disruption to all areas of your life.

  • Make sure you utilize all of your resources, including other family members, caregiver support, and self-care.

  • Work with your own financial adviser to plan for the possibility of caregiver duties and consider what different scenarios might look like for your own plan. Look out for your own financial security, as well as for your loved one’s caregiving needs.

Caregivers have a big challenge. They try to do it all and do it all flawlessly — which might not be possible. Create a balanced life where everyone is safe and futures are secure. Planning ahead as much as possible is key to making this happen. Don’t try to do it alone!

Sandra Adams, CFP®, is a Partner and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional at Center for Financial Planning, Inc.® and holds a CeFT™ designation. She specializes in Elder Care Financial Planning and serves as a trusted source for national publications, including The Wall Street Journal, Research Magazine, and Journal of Financial Planning.

Securities are offered through Raymond James Financial Services, Inc. Member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advisory services offered through Center for Financial Planning, Inc. Center for Financial Planning, Inc., is not a registered broker/dealer and is independent of Raymond James Financial Services.

Raymond James and its advisors do not offer tax or legal advice. You should discuss any tax or legal matters with the appropriate professional. Any opinions are those of Sandra D. Adams, and not necessarily those of Raymond James.

Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™, CFP® (with plaque design), and CFP® (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete the CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements.