In an ideal world, a committed couple would be on the same page about most of the important things in life, especially about their financial future. Not only would they be on the same page, but they would equally participate in the planning process — all the way through the process. So, what happens when one partner is not engaged in the planning process — whether it be lack of interest in the process at all, or lack of engagement and/or follow-through once a plan has been completed? And what can be done, if anything, to make sure the couple and their plan are successful?
If both partners have been involved in going through at least an initial planning process, this is a good first step. This means that the couple has worked through the steps of establishing common goals, gathered their common financial information, and worked with a financial planner to review the analysis regarding how the assets and income they have may work to fulfill their specific goals, both now and in the future. These couples likely worked with the planner to establish at least an initial set of action steps to start working towards meeting their short- and long-term goals in the key areas of their financial plan.
Why One Partner May Be Unengaged:
Here is where there is usually a disconnect — where the less engaged spouse likely becomes unengaged. Once the initial financial plan is complete and the action steps are in place, the less engaged spouse may check out for various reasons:
They may decide they don’t see the full value of the financial plan;
They may get too busy with “life” and not make the financial plan a priority; or
They may not see themselves in the “financial” lead role in the relationship and be simply delegating the action items to their more financially savvy spouse (whether or not this makes sense remains to be seen.)
If one of the partners is not involved in the planning process at all, this can be an even harder situation to address. When one partner is not engaged in the process at all, it is hard to discuss, set, and include common goals in the planning process. If one partner goes ahead with a plan, it can be one-sided or incomplete if done without the unengaged partner. The plan will lack input from one partner and may, in fact, be missing important information about assets, employment benefits, and/or future income resources if the participating spouse isn’t privy to all of the couple’s collective financial resources. Not having a financial plan that both partners have participated in putting together will be one that is lacking in some way — whether it be a lack of information or resources or a lack of input or agreement on current or future goals.
Why You Should Move Ahead Anyway:
Why might someone decide to move ahead with the financial planning process even if their partner is hesitant to participate in the process? In my experience, there are clients who have wanted to do planning for years and haven’t been able to get their partner on board. They may finally decide that they need to move forward, with or without their partner, for fear that they will end up without a plan and completely unprepared for the future. In addition, they may have had an experience as a caregiver for an older adult parent or watched someone they are close to go through the process of becoming a widow or widower and decide they want to be prepared if either of these major life transitions ever happens to them. For these clients, the personal experience of seeing others go through major life transitions without proper planning may compel them to want to plan more urgently than their partner.
What are some actions that a couple can take if one is more engaged than the other in the financial planning process so that their plan can be successful?
Come to a base agreement that a financial plan is needed. If you can come to a common agreement that a financial plan is needed, even if one of you is more enthusiastic about it than the other, that can be okay. If you can come to an agreement about who will take charge of scheduling a meeting with an advisor, collecting and organizing the information, scheduling appointments, etc., that is the first step. It is best if both partners will agree to participate in the full process, even if one takes the lead. This is the best way to ensure that you agree to and set common goals.
Set a regular “date” with your partner to discuss and review your finances. This blocks out time on your common schedules to concentrate on just your plan when you are working on preparing for the initial financial plan, and then can be helpful when you are working on the action items following your plan. This helps with the issues related to partners who get busy with life and can’t seem to make finances a priority.
Find a financial advisor that you feel you can trust and can delegate to. For those who have trouble with follow-through, or again, for those who have trouble carving out time, having a trusted professional to whom they can delegate to make sure that the plan gets carried out fully can be valuable and worth the cost.
As with many things in a relationship, partners aren’t always 100% on the same page or always rowing in the same direction all of the time. Finances are one of the most important issues a couple faces, and being in lock-step as much as possible is important. If a couple can find a way to work together in some way to complete and follow through on the financial planning process, even if one of the two takes the lead, but both participate, the process can still be a successful one.
Contributed by: Kelsey Arvai, CFP®, MBA
